Although we all hope that our marriage will last for decades, with both ourselves and our spouses moving on into the afterlife at roughly the same time, that is not always the case. In fact, many marriages do unfortunately end with one spouse leaving the other well before their time, leaving them as a widow (although some people call men “widowers”, we’ll just stick to the single term “widow” to make things easier, not to mention that some people already lump all people who lose their spouse as widows anyway). When this happens, it can feel like your world is ending – and I say this with experience as this had happened to me when my husband and I were both still in our 40’s. However, there are ways to maintain your quality of life and to ultimately keep living vivaciously for your spouse, even after he has already passed on.
If you do not have kids, then your priority should always be first and foremost yourself and your own wellbeing. Go out with friends and actually continue to live life, rather than moping around the house all day (although you can definitely do this for a short period of time immediately after your spouse has passed on). Although the loss of your spouse may hurt, it should at the very least help you realize that you shouldn’t let life pass you by, even for a minute, because you never know when you too will pass.
Once enough time has passed, you may also consider going out into the dating scene again to try and find romance. This is perfectly natural and something that you shouldn’t’ be ashamed about. Even if you haven’t had conversations about your spouse in the past about what would happen if one of you two passed away before the other, if you really look deep into your heart you will realize that it is very likely that he or she would have wanted you to move on, if only to help you enjoy life. But if you aren’t interested in finding a new emotional connection (or even if you are), you should still get some toys to help you maintain (or improve) the bodily pleasures that life still has to offer you – and if you’re a bit skeptical on this, well trust me when I say that it is well worth it!
Now if you have kids, then things become a bit more complicated for various reasons. You will need to take the time to explain to them what has happened to your spouse, and to comfort them when they truly need it most. And if you do decide to move on with your life, you will also need to eventually explain that you haven’t stopped loving their mom or dad, but rather you are just finding someone else to help make you happy, and that it is something that their mom or dad would have wanted for you. If you take things slow, they will certainly understand. And most importantly, you need to keep loving your kids and spending time with them. No matter how happy you are in life, you need to make sure that they remain just as happy as you are, no matter what it takes.
While being a widow can be challenging, it isn’t the end of the world like you might think when it first happens to you. Although unfortunate circumstances have put you in this position, you can turn your life around and make it just as beautiful and wonderful as it was when your spouse was still by your side physically, if not more so. And even if they aren’t with you physically, rest assured knowing that they are always with you spiritually and watching over you – at least that’s what I believe!